you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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