the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
