chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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