And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
