i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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