I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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