Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
