This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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