DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
50% drunk capacity currently
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
