Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
