Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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