his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
