So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He shit in the fireplace
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