woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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