what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
