i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
