i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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