Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
