The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
