Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
