it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
