I think I died a long time ago.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
