it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Randomize
