I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
