You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize