can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Small penises have feelings too.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
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