i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize