what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
