my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
