i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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