so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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