I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
