Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
