We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
