you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
