be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
