I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
