I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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