i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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