She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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