did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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