Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
