You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize