well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
