she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize