so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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