What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I believe in your delicious
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
