i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
