I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
