This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
