the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
