dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
