she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
