I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize