Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Randomize
