Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize