I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize