yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
