Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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