Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The Olympian is in my bed
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