You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My vagina just recognized that song.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
