Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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