I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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