party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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