Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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