we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
