i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
