when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize