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Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
