Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
