sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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