It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
