I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
