Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
