i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
