im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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