fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
