omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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