well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
