pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
