Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
